SM Babylon

What is the next move? A famous footballer of my generation dies of liver disease. Should I salute him with another margarita? I am at the cusp of the last stage of life---old age?? Is it time to stop looking at young women? Is it time to give up on the pursuit of happiness? Is it right to forgo that long postponed plastic surgery?

I have done what I could. I have attempted much and achieved a bit. Perhaps my self-loathing prevents me from actually acknowledging my value. Of course, the god-loving or zen-believers would say there is already perfection just in being. Do I experience that? Is that how I really feel? I can say not today. I am just getting through another day. Taking a few moments to love this moment while in my back pages I yearn for the validation that true love (infatuation) brings.

This is all the I can give now. I must retreat to the safety of my routines and security of my house and my stuff.